The strange insanity of an emotional mind

Strange are the ways of the mind and the heart. Strange are its manifestations and interpretations. And strange too its working. My troubled state of mind, wishes to express its insides as I deliberate on the burning questions that wrack my conscience. But sometimes one has to keep to himself. It's a tough time, but one has to battle with it.

There are times when you look back at certain things or moments and wish you had handled them differently. I am passing through one such moment. But the time that's gone cannot be got back. Now I realize that how significant a decision is. But probably there are certain things that are destined and no matter how hard one may try to change them, they shall continue to be the same. How can we ever be in a position to say or expect that events would have turned out better handled, when most of us have failed to counter fate.

At such times, my past too comes back violently to bring me down on my knees. This is a moment of a tough battle between the heart (feelings) and the brain (logic). Its tough to control emotions.
At such times I feel like giving it up all and going back to total solitude. But there is something called as 'responsibilites' which does not let one to be in solitude when desired. But then it probably helps one get out of a such a situation quickly.

I really believe that "Universe Conspires" when we wish something, but my experience says that the theory fails with the things that we are most desperate for, in life.

Now there's something that should actually motivate me: A quote by Satya Sai Baba.

Iron turns into rust if it seeks the company of soil.
It glows, softens and takes on useful shapes, if it enjoys the company of fire.
Dust can fly if it chooses the wind as its friend.
It has to end as slime in a pit, if it prefers water.
It has neither wing nor foot, yet it can either fly or walk, rise or fall,
according to the friend it selects.

Hoping that I am going through a fire to soften and glow.

At the same time, I also remember another quote by one of my dearest friends:
"Hope is something on which losers’ thrive".

I wonder how is this all going to end? How much of pain do I have to endure before I become inert?

Actually there's nothing to be sad about. I have got everything in my life that should keep me happy(ideally) but I sometimes feel, its better to be childlike all your life because incomplete homework and broken toys are far better than unfulfilled dreams and broken emotions.

I believe I should now end this blog. Too much of depressing thoughts have already been put down.

So ending it on a losers’ note: "I hope that these turn of events are happening for my own good".